I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
