then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
