Will you blow on my dice?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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