Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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