you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
should my penis look like a turkey
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
