New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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