Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
