I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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