They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
