I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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