Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
