you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
