brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish I could punch you in the face.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
