I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
