How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
