Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
