Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
