She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
