piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My cat gives me a boner
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
