definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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