why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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