i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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