i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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