Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
