Girls should come with a carfax report
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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