i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
