I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
