Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
