don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
