Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
