ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
