Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
