If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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