Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
