I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
