I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
