At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
