Betty ford says i'm here all night
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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