If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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