No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
did i just pee glitter
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