I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
