i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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