You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
