I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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