just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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