Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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