I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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