So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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