highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do vagina's smell?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
