At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
