you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
