ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
