I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
