OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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